Dear exboyfriends and steady lovers: give me back my stuff.
Well, not really; I don’t actually want it back at this point ’cause you’ve had your grubby hands all over it. It just sucks ’cause we ended our relationship together without my consenting to end my relationship to my personal belongings and it especially sucks when you can’t get back the things you actually liked.
Like that cool toned tropical print bikini, handmade soap and designer makeup I left at your house in 2009. It’d also have been nice to keep my green Simmons sweatshirt, but you did make it reek of marijuana, body odour and stale cigarettes. You also have some books and CDs I have no intentions of replacing; I should probably get back in touch and demand you post those at international rates.
And you, you stole my favourite The Academy Is… t-shirt and then lied about having it when I confronted you. You also kept what was my, at-the-time, favourite pair of jeans. What a bastard, stealing the only jeans that made my butt look good!
Actually, loads of exes have loads of my things besides what’s listed above, such as Tupperware, photographs, inexpensive camera gear (thank goodness) and a mini library’s worth of books. However, none of it was ever worth an awkward confrontation with hopes to recover it.
I’ve lost many bras, panties, dresses, pyjamas, socks, beach towels and countless pairs of shoes; lipsticks, jewellery, stuffed toys, university paperwork and so much more.
And while part of me wants to demand rightful ownership of these possessions, I don’t know what I’d do with them because I certainly no longer have a need for most of it. And the permission to return the acquisition request would have been too awkward to justify the perceived value of the items in question.
That, my friends, is the second reason breaking up sucks: once you get your emotions back together you get to asses your losses and say goodbye to the belongings you’ve leant out or left behind.
I’m just happy I’ve never lost anything I couldn’t replace or didn’t miss in the long-term.