Romance & Relationships

Introducing Mr and Mrs…?

Fighting over name changes...!

Fighting over name changes…!

Just kidding! Jeff's happy with whatever decision I make.

Just kidding! Jeff’s happy with whatever decision I make.

Introducing Mr and Mrs…?

Well, I’m not sure. I’ve been going back & forth about taking Jeff’s surname when we marry, and I’m really struggling to make my mind up about this one!

On the one hand, if I take his name then we’d be the same – like a family. My mom took my dad’s last name, so she was Mrs Poole, we were the Poole family. No double-barreled or anything like that, just the one name through-and-through. Jeff and I have talked briefly about having a family of our own one day, and if we do it would be important to me that we all have the same name…

…but I love my name! I’m Katie Poole. Katherine Poole. Sure, his surname sounds good matched against my first name, but it’s just not mine. It’s just not the same. My name has always been what defined me – it’s my Twitter handle and the namesake of this blog, after all! – and everyone already knows my name as Katie Poole. I’m proud of my name, and I don’t particularly want to change it.

And a double-barreled name? Forget it! Our names don’t match up well that way, either way around.

I’ve been trying to convince Jeff to take my name and become Mr Katherine Poole, but he’s just not having it. Like me, he’s very proud of his name as his identity.

I’ve talked with a few friends about this, and heard different pros and cons. One got a double-barreled surname and wishes she’d just changed her name to match her husband’s. Others kept their name and wouldn’t dream of taking their partner’s name, and still others changed their name and said it just felt so right to have the same name as their partner.

And yet: I’m still torn! Good thing I have a few more months to think this through…

So, my dear readers, what say you? Did you take your partner’s name when you married, or do you plan to take their name when you do? I can’t be the only one who feels so conflicted about this topic!

4 thoughts on “Introducing Mr and Mrs…?

  1. “my name has always been what defined me – it’s my Twitter handle and the namesake of this blog, after all! – and everyone already knows my name as Katie Poole. I’m proud of my name, and I don’t particularly want to change it”

    Wrong way of looking at it I think. You are not defined by a name, for one. Two – to not take his name in the time honoured fashion because of a twitter handle seems somewhat trite.

    As a chap, it is the greatest honour to have someone take your name, it is the welcoming into a family and the making of a new bond. Jeff may say it doesn’t matter,and maybe right now it doesn’t but to be able to say Mrs X with his name there becomes one of the loveliest feelings a man can have. So, stop being sentimental for your surname, embrace change.

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    • “You are not defined by a name, for one. Two – to not take his name in the time honoured fashion because of a twitter handle seems somewhat trite.”

      Really, Mark, really? Are you saying that from the male point of view, with the preconceived notion that women must take their husband’s name for the sake of tradition (which, by the way, stems from a woman becoming her husband’s property at marriage). Think for a minute that you’re expected to take your wife’s name at marriage; how does that make you feel? Is that something you want, or would you like the choice to keep your birth name? I for one *love* my birth name, which is why I am considering keeping it.

      But you’re right: it would be a great honour for someone to take my last name. I’d love to be married to Mr Poole, and have a few Poole children sometime in the far, far future. However, why is this privilege reserved for men? Why must women change their names – their legal identity – just because they are getting married to a man?

      Tradition can be good, but not when it’s for tradition’s sake. It’s 2013, and I think it’s time society re-think this whole name-changing businesses so that there’s more equality between men and women’s rights and social expectations; i.e.: a man/woman’s ability to chose which name they take – or keep – after marriage without judgement.

      Because let’s be real: if I take his name then I’m conforming to society’s expectations of women, changing my identity to suit a man. But if I don’t? Then society currently labels that action as selfish.

      What’s *with* all these double-standards for women?

      PS For the sake of clarity, I’m not commenting on what homosexual couples should/shouldn’t do when they marry.

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